he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize