My nipple is on Facebook.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
