Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My balls are so social today.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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