hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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