I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
