Need sex. Gaining weight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize