i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
