I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
