i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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