Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I did not marry a roomba.
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