I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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