I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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