Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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