PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
