hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
