she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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