there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
