What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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