If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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