I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
