you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
