someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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