I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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