He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
