3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
