I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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