Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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