They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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