i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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