covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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