the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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