so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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