i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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