some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
