Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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