they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
