I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
