This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
