You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
