I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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