Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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