I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
