I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"it" just moved
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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