I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
