I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well you can't waste a boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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