hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize