Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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