you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he fucked my hip out of place.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
