Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
