i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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