I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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