I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Shame - the story of my life.
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