take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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