I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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