you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
