if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
