we have pet lesbian snakes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
