That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
