Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
