Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
