plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
