I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
