so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize