Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
