think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
