is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
