remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
