i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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