i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
