The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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