:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
