One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
