I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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