Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
