im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
