We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize