You smell like stripper and shame
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
