he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
