Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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