Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
