i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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