you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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