Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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