awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
