I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
